I chose to focus on my boldness as a positive trait in writing for today’s simple pleasure. The Merriam-Webster definition of boldness is multi-faceted; I especially relate to the aspects of it connected with freedom and being noticed, and less so with the idea of living without fear. I can be anxious and panicky, but I am not typically described by many who know me as timid or self-conscious.
In relation to the boldness of my approach to life and how I conceptualize the world around me, I do not constrain myself to what others have set out as the boundaries in which I should remain. I’m transgressive in relation to my own culture, religion and gender. I make my own path, even when it costs me people and place to do so. This isn’t boldness exulted; I don’t think that the way I handle life is the only or the best way to do it. It is more that I seem incapable of conformity in ways that others master without giving half a thought.
In the consistency of picking self-hood over my original (or any) community, I stand out. My appearance as a trans, non-binary person is now distinctive enough that random strangers remember me. I’m bold in the way that certain colors of fabric pop rather than recede. I spent roughly the first quarter-century of my life camouflaging myself as much as I humanly could, choosing to see being accepted as more vital than being true to who I am. Eventually my life fell apart as my inner walls collapsed; I started to crave the distinctiveness and attention I’d shunned. I try to temper my boldness with humility to avoid rampant narcissism. I know what it is to be seen and unseen, both in hostile or negligent ways; what I desire most is for my boldness to embolden others to allow their inner self to shine. What is your relationship with boldness?