Last year, back when going to a gardening center was a totally normal and not at all potentially life-threatening activity, I purchased and then planted five perennial flowers. I don’t know what type they are and three of them died within a few months. Two plants, the ones with white flowers, not only made it through the winter but are now bursting with new blooms. Their endurance and resurgence, coupled with the loss of the others, is a reminder that there is a seasonality to our lives that is not fully predictable. I still can’t fully discern what lines the boundary of gratitude and grief, of loss and life, but I’m sitting with awareness of it today. What symbolizes this edge for you?
After a difficult week, I treated myself to a bouquet of orange tulips today. It got rather smashed in my grocery cart and I felt a resonance with the juxtaposition of harm alongside brightness. Aside from the anticipation of fully experiencing their beauty when they open, I am appreciative of the hint of spring weather they offer. What has warmed your day? What is your favorite flower?
As a person affected by multiple chronic physical and mental health conditions, including trigemnial neuralgia, complex PTSD, neck and arm radiculopathy and an undiagnosed systemic illness that has left me dehydrated and exhausted after multiple episodes last night that included digestive distress, fainting and low body temperature, I have no spoons to give today. The daily chores that must be completed to keep me fed and my house cleaned seem significantly more insurmountable than they do when my physical state is healthier. Taking time to engage in a simple pleasure on a day like today is another task rather than a bright moment of joy, but I felt determined to persist as I know giving up when I feel like this will only restart a cycle of depression.
As I use my Simple Pleasures cards, I am giving myself permission to adjust their instructions to a certain extent. Today’s draw was actually to buy up to five dollars in lottery tickets, but I know the excited anticipation they could perhaps bring would be missing with me feeling as sick as I am. Instead, I decided to use the money to buy myself flowers, which have a coalescence connotation which feels appropriate to my current state. I like the fact that they will last at least half a week and will continue to uplift my spirit as they fully blossom. Everyone deserves to have the ability to engage in self-care when they are feeling down; I am grateful for the privilege of being able to do so for myself.