In the Fullness of Your Humanity

For today’s post, I decided to consider the qualities of a relationship that enable a sense of my full humanity as well as allow me to acknowledge the full humanity of the person or people to whom I am relating. I will be continuing this post in the next few days in order to answer the reflection questions I included. I hope you’ll share your thoughts in the comments!

If your full humanity is being recognized in a relationship, you will be:

  • considered as a whole person, not as a representative of one aspect of your identity
  • expected to own your mistakes and to make concrete steps to improve
  • welcomed as you are
  • able to set appropriate boundaries, saying yes and no according to your preferences
  • only responsible for managing your own emotions, thoughts and behaviors
  • able to make your own decisions
  • allowed to consider the compatibility of each person’s needs, desires and wishes
  • taken seriously when you share that something offended you
  • offered love, affection and trust without having to earn them
  • apologized to when someone’s actions harm you
  • allowed to express your needs, desires and wishes without being shamed or mocked
  • given space if you ask for it
  • present with each part of yourself
  • encouraged to adapt and grow at your own pace
  • built up, cheered for, and supported

Reflection

Which of these characteristics speaks most to you? Are there any that feel uncomfortable, or for which you know you have caveats? Are there any that you value but find challenging to offer to another? What might you add to the list?

Observing a Transition (Today’s Simple Pleasure)

It’s pretty hard to classify a trip to the DMV as a “Simple Pleasure,” but it was a good fit for the concept of finding an edge and noticing how the transition from one side to the other worked. It took hours for me to get called up to process my information today, so there was “waiting time” and “appointment time.” I seriously felt like I’d both won the lottery and transformed into an ascended being when it was finally my turn.

Afterwards, I realized how ridiculous the entire system is. I’m pretty sure that most people were called up in the order in which they arrived, but there were various numbers assigned to make it feel like it was moving along and was “fair.” It showed me how easily I can be switched into a competitive mode where crossing over from one side to another feels like an accomplishment, even if it simply means more delay.

Historically, I have been the worst at waiting. The edge would be between me and everyone around me, so I would strain at every moment that passed. At some point, I realized I may as well make the best out of those situations, so I spend time chatting to people near me so it feels like I’m rooting for my “team” to be next in line. There is still a division, but it is among the people I find annoying and those with whom I’ve connected. A meta edge would be seeing all the workers and customers as part of the same frame, us against the outside world where the pace and structure isn’t so linear, but I’m not there yet. How are you at handling long waits? Where are your edges?